When Does Imposter Syndrome Go Away?

Hey, good morning friends. This is Rob. I'm sitting here, as I said it would be yesterday, staring at a black computer screen. Actually, technically it's not black. My computer's booting right now, but I'm getting ready to start my day. And I'll tell you what's on my mind this morning, what was on my mind last night.

And that is imposter syndrome. And I'll tell you why it's on my mind. I work for the federal government. And to some people, I mean, that's a hot topic at the moment. I...

My job hasn't been eliminated yet, but it's always a possibility. It's definitely on my mind. And it's funny when people think, like, what do you think of in your mind when I say, hey, I work for the federal government? You probably think of most people, I should say. Think of a person in a suit who lives in Washington, D.C., who goes and does something. Maybe you think of somebody who works behind a counter.

Somebody who doesn't work very hard, maybe somebody who's incompetent, maybe somebody who is milking the system, getting paid by tax dollars. I live in Oklahoma. I work in IT. I have worked in IT for the past 30 years, and I'm 50 years old.

And I just happened to get a job right before I turned 21 working on a local technical support help desk. That's how I got into the federal government. I was a contractor back then, and since then I've become a federal employee. But it was just a job. I was just looking for a job. And that's where it happened to be.

um and so uh you know literally on the news when we hear things about uh furloughs or government employees everybody has this mental idea of what a government employee is and um there's a whole lot of government employees that don't work in Washington D.C. and don't do what you think they do

If you saw me, you would not think, you wouldn't say, boy, that guy looks like a federal employee right now. I've been growing my beard out for several months. This morning, I'm wearing a Star Wars t-shirt and a pair of gym shorts. Not what most people think of as a federal employee. So anyway, what has been on my mind...

obviously, over the past couple of months, is that my job might go away. The thing I've been doing for 30 years might go away. I don't know how things in my particular area would carry on without computer people, but, you know, they'll figure something out. And so last night, I was literally brainstorming. I had a piece of paper.

and very low-tech solution for a computer guy. And I was trying to make a list of things I can do. What are things I could do to make money if things go south?

and I looked at this piece of paper and after five minutes it was blank I couldn't come up with a single thing a single marketable skill I had you know I write computer code for a lot of my job and I thought there's so many people there's so many kids younger than me

Uh, and I said, I don't even know how to do it. I like, I go to Google and I type it like, Hey, how do I do this command? And I find it. Then I put that in, you know, like, can't anybody do that? You know? And I thought about all these things, you know, I've written a few books. I thought maybe I could write books and I go, who's going to buy my books? Uh, and, and one of the things I really want to pursue.

is being a book coach because I have a master's degree in professional writing. It has nothing to do with my career. I went back to school as an adult about five years ago, and I have not been to college in 20-something years, and I walked in. They made me apply. I go, why do I have to apply to go to a school? They go, that's how master's programs work. I go, I didn't know that. I thought I just gave you some money and let me in.

And I wrote down my resume. I give my resume, my application. I go, hey, here's what I've done. I've written a few books. I've been published in newspapers. I've had newspaper feature articles. I've been published in national magazines. I've done all this stuff. And they went, oh my goodness, welcome to the program. We'll gladly take your money. But none of that stuff...

that, so to get back to what I was going to say, is some of the things that I've learned, that I learned during that program and that I've picked up since then, I think would make me a very good book coach. I know the process of writing novels, but doing it, you know, especially with ADHD and having a full-time IT career and having two kids

Children that have just moved out, you know, and all these things has kind of prevented me from being able to commit the amount of time to do that, right? So, here's my point. The problem with these morning things is that the first cup of coffee, it hits my brain and things get a little disjointed, so bear with me here. But I am qualified.

to two things. What I tell people, I say, boy, I don't think I could be a book coach. They go, are you kidding me? They go, I've read your book. I love your book. And you know all this stuff about writing books. You always give me advice. I go, eh, yeah, I know, but I just got it from other books. They go, well, that's what people who give advice do. They find good advice and they pass it on. I go, eh, you know. And I want to tell you two quick things for this morning's thoughts. Here's the first one.

I did have to go to Washington, D.C. a few years ago. I went to Washington, D.C. and it was for an awards ceremony and I had to wear a suit.

Now, I have a suit. I own a suit that I wear when I go to weddings and funerals. Actually, I don't even wear it to weddings anymore. I have a suit jacket that I wear to weddings. I don't even think I wear it to funerals. I don't wear a suit at all. I never wear a suit. What do I got to wear a suit for? I'm 50 and I live in Oklahoma. I just don't have that many suit necessary events in my life.

And so I went to this thing in Washington, D.C. I was going to receive an award with a group of people from the administrator of my agency. And I had to stand on a stage. I knew there would be pictures. I knew all these things. So I had to wear a suit. Actually, my boss told me. He said, oh, Harry, you've got to wear a suit. I said, I know. He said, sometimes I've got to tell you. I said, I was going to wear a suit anyway.

And so I took the suit to Washington, D.C. And before we went, I put on this suit. And I could not have been less comfortable in this suit. And I can tell you, the feeling I had at that moment when I put that suit on was like putting on any other Halloween costume I've ever owned. I might as well have been putting on...

a dracula cape and putting on fake vampire teeth and slicking my hair back it was the same feeling to me as dressing up as a spaceman or a monster as it was putting on that suit it felt the exact same as a costume i didn't feel like i was dressing up i felt like i was putting on a costume

and it feels weird. You got this tie around your neck and you've got this suit and you're walking and you're like, ah, is my shirt tucked in? Are the cuffs of my pants dragging the ground? You know, all these things, right? And I got to the award ceremony. I'm standing on the stage.

and I'm standing next to this guy who I've known for years. I've probably known for a decade, you know, and this guy is dapper. I mean, I look like, you know,

Plum Plum

I'm sure he like this guy probably wears that suit to the gym I mean he just looks like like a suit wearing dude you know he looks good man this suit like my suit look like some like something that got passed over from the thrift store it doesn't really but that's how I felt and this guy is wearing a suit that I mean looks like it cost a thousand dollars like his suit is shiny my suits not shiny you know my suit was not shiny

and we're standing there and we're waiting for the administrator to come out you know and the guy leans over to me and he goes you know no matter how many times i do it every time i put on this suit it feels like a costume

and it totally caught me off guard I was not expecting the guy to say that you know and even at the time I thought he's just saying that because that's what he knows I'm thinking you know but it wasn't the case it really wasn't the case you know he told me he said I hate you know he said I put it on it's all weird you know he says I don't wear this to work you know it just

You gotta put it on, you know, and it, it just unlocks something in my brain. I was like, oh my God, everybody here feels that way. We are, we're all wearing costumes. Now I will tell you that I learned later in life, um, that, um, wearing a suit unlocks powers. I've gone into, I went to a, I got invited to a meeting one time I had to attend.

and I didn't know what the dress code was, so I brought a suit jacket. I wore a suit jacket on the first day of the meeting.

and everybody was like, oh, and they like, they tried to get me to sit at the head of the table and they would ask me questions. Hey, where's this located? I'm like, I'm not from here. I don't know. Um, but it, it gave you this, I mean, gave me this, um, respectability, this sense of power, this, this weird, um, you know, put me in a, a role of authority. And I thought, what a strange thing that, uh, you know, people have built into their head that if you just happen to

have a suit jacket on uh that you would defer to that person so there there is something to it you know but uh but i still i still felt uh like a fake i felt like an imposter you know

and so um uh i'm gonna wrap this up because uh again i wanted to keep these relatively short and they're they're too long so i'm gonna work on on trimming these down a little bit uh but i googled uh last night i googled um when will i stop feeling imposter syndrome and i did not get the answer well i did get the answer um i think i got the answer um

but when I googled that it didn't give me the answer what it gave me was a list of famous people very very famous people who still feel imposter syndrome there is a short story and I don't think Neil Gaiman is on people's good list at the moment

But there's a story that he shared where the gist of it was that he got invited to a group of famous people. And every day, it was like a week-long event apparently, and every day when he went there, he felt like he didn't belong. He was like, I'm just a guy who wrote some books and this and that, and all these other people are famous, they all did stuff.

and he struck up a conversation with someone and found out that they had the same first name and they were talking and

The other person, the other Neil, said, eventually he said, I can't believe I got invited to this thing. All these people here made great things, and the only thing I ever did was step foot on the moon. And so the takeaway of that is that Neil Armstrong, the first person to step on the moon, had imposter syndrome. Like he didn't belong at this party, that nobody would want to talk to him, you know.

and you know as I searched through my Google results every single person that I saw I mean there's a famous quote from Mike Myers the Saturday Night Live alum who has gone on to make a ton of movies we all know who Mike Myers is and Mike Myers says I feel like at any moment the talent police will show up and arrest me which they might but

uh it doesn't seem like imposter syndrome ever goes away you know i mean that's not what google said but that's that's my what i've inferred from these results you know and so i don't think we can let that feeling stop us i'm not gonna let that feeling stop me so will i become a book coach will i work on another book will i do all these things yes i mean i have to

And that's what I'm going to set out to do today. I'm going to start making my backup plan. And who knows, maybe the backup plan someday becomes, maybe plan B someday becomes plan A. You know, maybe I don't lose my job, but maybe plan B becomes plan A. Who knows? But for right now, my coffee mug is staring at me, ready for me to finish this coffee. So have a good day.

and hit that subscribe button so that you'll get notified every morning when I talk to you about my day's thoughts over a mug of coffee. I'll talk to you soon.